There are so many. First of all, Tonglen is a great practice to do when you feel like there’s nothing you can do to change an incredibly difficult situation, but you have to be there with it. So, it can range everywhere from frustrating professional situations or awkward social situations to situations in which someone is suffering from an unbearable difficulty that you cannot fix for them.

I have used Tonglen for myself and others (privately, in my own practice) in both work (see this blog) and personal contexts. It always helps, if only to help me be with it open-heartedly.

For me, the most powerful instance of this was when my father was dying, and I spent endless hours by his bedside. Dad was in pain, actively dying, and there was nothing I could do but be there. He was attended to. He had his pain meds. He was at home in the living room and surrounded by loved ones. But every day he was moving closer to death. He was in pain. I sat there with him for hours practicing for him, for us, for the world. And for everyone dying or who is with a dying loved one.

I practiced like this with Dad for hours and hours over several days. Eventually, the practice just enveloped both of us totally — though I’m sure he had no idea what I was doing (he was just glad I was there, as he drifted in and out of consciousness). It was the most transformative experience of my life. When my father eventually died about a week later, I was there at his bedside with all the family around him, and I was accommodating his last breath with warmth. It also helped all my grieving relatives who were gathered there, around Dad. The loss was agonizing, but the love was amazing.